i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
