They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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