Just mADE A PArabola og urine
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
