Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
