Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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