i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
