"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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