Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
