Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
