i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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