He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
