i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
