I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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