I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
