Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
