I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
