apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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