So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
