dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
