I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
