I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
