..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
