Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
