tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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