I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
