i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
