I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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