True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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