I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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