You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
