Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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