just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
