smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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