u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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