Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
