and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
