Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
