He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
