If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
