would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
