Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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