if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
