it wasn't lemon gatorade
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
