I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
