How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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