dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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