Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i think i just lost a toe
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
