So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
