i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
