i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
