I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
